Mobile Monday: Unpleasant Horse

Looking for a fast-paced, competitive and fun mobile game at the expense of cute high-fantasy creatures? Then you my friend have extremely specific tastes, and should look no further than 4th and Battery's Unpleasant Horseavailable for free on the iOS App Store! Unpleasant Horse mixes the addictive high-flying action of games like Tiny Wings or Titan Lunch Retaliation with the competitive scoring and the absurd pony genocide that we have all grown to love.   

You read it right, pony genocide. As the player you take control of the title character, the unpleasant horse, as he flies though a beautifully cartoony sky wreaking havoc on all that opposes him (mostly small birds, and flying ponies worthy of Friendship is Magic). The ultimate goal is to get further and further across the sunny landscape by jumping on clouds, ponies and birds and raising your score. Clouds give you a small bonus to your score and give you a jump off point to allow you to keep moving forward. Birds don't stop you, but hitting one gives you a score bonus and a feather that gives you an extra jump in the air. Which just leaves the ponies, which are what makes this game interesting.. and kind super messed up.

The ponies, and their subsequent gruesome deaths are really what makes this game this game. You see, you have to keep jumping and moving forward because if you hit the ground you lose. But, in the game the ground is made up entirely of spinning meat grinder blades capable of reducing even the most adorable of adversaries into bones and red stuff. This is the highest scoring mechanic in the game: jumping on a pony, riding it to the ground and grinding it into pieces until there's just enough time for a last second escape. Seriously, I wasn't kidding, its seriously messed up if you think about it, but the cartoony charm and sillyness that Popcap has become famous for really rings true, and allows you to look past the disgusting absurdity to the amazing fun times to be had!

This game is fun for.. well.. MOST ages and brony haters everywhere and is an excellent as both a gaming quick-fix and a long term high score game. And at the low low price of free, there really is no reason why an iOS owner shouldn't at least give this game a good ol college try. I promise you that you will not be disappointed... even if a little disgusted...

Mobile Monday: Pizza vs. Skeletons

What can I say about Pizza vs. Skeletons that hasn’t been already said? Maybe “Pizza vs. Skeletons is an allegory for the destruction of the American middle class” or “Pizza vs. Skeletons leaves me feeling as if I just cosumed the afterbirth of a 14lb baby.” While these things have likely never been in print, they honestly have nothing to do with the simple, polished and fun romp of a game that is Pizza vs. Skeletons. Pizza vs. Skeletons is not some sort of clever title to incite symbolic meaning; it’s literally just a game where you play a giant pizza with the goal of raining down saucy and cheesy justice on the living dead.

The game is set up in a way most iOS gamers are comfortable with: short levels grouped together in worlds, normally themed around a handful of mechanics and aesthetics. The game looks great, it has a cartoony but smooth look to it that suits the handheld platform and the game’s tone quite well. The entire tone itself is very interesting. It has a visual theme that combines the dark but goofy tones of Scooby Doo and the cheesiness of 1950’s monster movies to great end. Despite all this visual goodness, it’s the gameplay itself that really causes Pizza vs. Skeletons to shine though as a mobile gem.

The game offers a wide variety of goals, mechanics and level design. The levels themselves do an excellent job of introducing you to the new mechanics as you play without bogging you down with a million things to remember. The mechanics themselves are not particularly complicated. The level goals are simple to achieve but rewarding of perfection through a star system similar to that of Angry Birds or Cut the Rope. The interesting part about the mechanics is how many of them there are. The aforementioned games may have different objects that act differently, but the ultimate goal of each level is the same. Pizza vs. Skeletons changes it up regularly with a multitude of level types. Some levels pit you against wave upon wave of spear-armed skeletons until there are no more, while some levels you have to ride a spinning skull over spikes, ski down a snowy hill or grow big and strong by eating more and more skeleton fish (along the lines of Fishy). I can see how the lack of mechanical specificity could be consider a negative to some, but with the consistency of the controls and aesthetic, the changes in gameplay mechanics are a breath of fresh air compared to the doldrums of repetitive level design.

Everything about this game is bursting with fast-paced and silly fun! It is the perfect game if you just want to play a few levels on some downtime, but has the variety of level design that still allows you to play for an hour or two without getting bored. Pizza vs. Skeletons is available here in the iOS app store for $2.99 and has both an iPad and iPhone version. If it sounds interesting, but you aren’t quite willing to ‘break the bank’ and spend your last three bucks, there is a free demo version of the game that doesn’t include all of the levels so you can get a better idea of the game before you choose to buy it. But really, I cannot remember the last time I had this much fun on a mobile device. If you have an iOS device, I highly suggest getting this game right now! You will not regret it!